That’s a really good tip – as you say, you can then exit without too much emotional consequence if the person isnt right because you can identify with the ‘child’ and could start to confuse that with who they now are.

I do absolutely think i get you – i also think the lack of actual effort he has put in to changing any of his known behaviours is next to nothing. If you really want to change, you will…. but he says he has ‘demons in his head’ that ‘he deserves’ and that he ‘f*cked everything up’ – but without a desire to change, that translates into more than just mild contemplation…. the cycle will repeat.

I am going to use your three tips below to help me with some further self-development, so thank you! you really have been a shining star in the dark