The fact that you may have some similar facial features because of genetics, and the fact that you have been in each other’s lives for 55 years, these don’t matter really when there is such a disparity in what each one of you values.

You are so right. It is all about values, and morals. The only thing that worries me is that we both have children, and they will be upset, if I choose to go no contact, I am well aware that this will spread through the wider family and will make others unhappy. No-one can sit on a fence forever. Eventually they are going to take sides, either for or against me… and that is the only thing that makes me pause, stop, think. But I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life either. This makes me think that maybe I should wait until my mum passes.

If I do this while my mother is still with us, then the ‘crime’ also includes abandoning my mother to her fate, and failing as a daughter to help and protect her. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. It doesn’t matter what my decision is, it’s going to hurt someone. Which is why I procrastinate and let things slide. Always hoping that it will go away, but it’s never going to, is it?

It takes so much courage to stand up to my sister. All my life I have been told, you should love your little sister, you should forgive her, she’s younger than you, she’s only a baby, you should be ashamed of not liking her… Forgive, forgive – how many times do you let yourself be used and abused and keep forgiving them, before you say enough is enough? How much more of a doormat do I want to be?

I could tell you some tales about my sister’s treatment of me over the years (and my mother condoning that behaviour) that would truly shock anyone.

What difference will it make if I have an interest in any future inheritance or not? When it comes down to it, my sister is going to make darned sure that there is no money left. I don’t care about that for myself, I am not motivated by money. But eventually, my mother is going to need specialist care, and is going to need to go into a care home. But there won’t be any money left for a good home. Good homes cost a lot of money here. The welfare state will pick up the bill most of the time for people who need a care home but have no money, but it’s the cheapest they can find. The poorest of care and the lowest standards.

That above is the motivation I have for looking after my mother’s money I suppose. I don’t have the money to pay for her eventual care. My sister has declared herself bankrupt twice, and spends every penny she has. She has no idea how to save money for a rainy day.

My sister thinks that she will be able to look after my mother until she passes, but if my mother lives for a lot longer, the dementia will progress past the point where she will be able to cope. It is unrealistic to think otherwise.  I think I mentioned earlier that I have a suspicion that once my sister has spent all of my mother’s money on the house and spent all of her savings she will no longer be of use and will be put into a care home anyway. A poor one.

I’m not sure if I need a solicitor or a counsellor! LOL.

So  often, Family is just another Foul word (what do you think about this line, reads poetic to me)

I think this is a great line. Brilliantly put. I do truly respect you for what you have done and the decision you have made. You are an amazing person, Anita.

I mentioned my ‘Dysfunctional Family’ to a solicitor last year… he said there was no such thing as a ‘Functional Family’, well not in his line of business! 🙂

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by JayJay.