Morning all…another sunny day here, currently watching some sugar-birds battling it out to own one of the banana trees whilst having our morning tea/coffee – very entertaining to watch them trying to be ferocious given how small and cute they are….

Kkasxo – ha,yeah, hadn’t twigged but yep, it is funny to be surrounded by huge Buddha’s here and then catch up with you all on here! And yup, I’ve been through the sh** mill a fair few times, which is why I know there’s hope for everyone once they are ready to reach for it. Either with or without saucepans as I’m pretty sure they weren’t exactly an integral part of my healing, even if they were at least a decent set 😉  Seriously though,  I’m actually impressed you know you don’t want to move in with your ex at his family’s house, I can see how it would have been an easy short-term option for you to take, even with the difficult history. But not one I think would be especially helpful or healthy long-term for you, so well done. Even if tight, at least knowing what options your finances give you is one thing dealt with, done.  I would think about setting yourself a time limit on finding somewhere – perhaps aim to take the best place you can find in your budget by end May, so as you can be at least a little settled before your family leave, something like that?

I loved your quote – that one is just so true to me. Pretty much all pain is caused by fighting reality, wanting it to be different. Every single time that I’ve stopped fighting reality and worked with dealing with it instead, things have started to improve. To me, it doesn’t mean giving up or just letting life happen to you but learning to tell the difference between what you can change and what you can’t. Coveys circle of influence is a very practical example of this but it’s just the same with emotions, people. And it is amazing what happens in your life the more you practice it.

Shelby – NZ & Australia…..awesome! But with only a zillion anxiety attacks….you really must try harder 😉  Again, seriously though,  I think it’s great you will plan it out for either with or without your ex and I really hope you make it as travel is such a great perspective changer and a great way to look forwards, not backwards.  Btw, I think the Canaries are cool if you stick to the non Blackpool areas – did a house-sit on El Hierro last year and hiked round La Gomera & North Tenerife year before that, all wonderful.  Do you mean you will quit your job to go travel when you say finish?? That sounds a big step for you?  I’m happy to hear you are at least adopting a more realistic attitude with your ex, waiting to see what he actually does, keeping that mind open.

And hey Griff.  All voices welcome from my perspective, both male and female. I know exactly how rough that feels – it wasn’t until I discovered my ex was in a new relationship that it really hit home for me either that it was over, done. And it was exactly like feeling the break-up was new again, no way round it. In some ways whilst it’s awful it’s also helpful trust me, as it means there is no other choice but to deal with the pain and accept it, but it takes time, a lot of time and trying to hope, to look forwards even when feeling totally lost. You can see the struggles Shelby & Kkasxo have here in not having that same kind of relationship ending.  And you will doubtlessly spend ages circling round trying to understand ‘why’, why did they suddenly change, what went ‘wrong’, what can you do to change it . And the horrible answer is that it really doesn’t matter why and there is nothing you can do to change it. The only way I know through is to look after yourself as best as you can, eat healthy, exercise, make the effort to see friends and family, especially those patient enough to listen many times but also to drag you out from wallowing when the time is right.  You will get a lot of support from this forum I’m sure, many people have been through it and there is an end to the pain as you work through it. Take care and feel free to share whatever you need to, whatever helps.

I’ll be travelling next couple days so will be a bit more hit/miss on the wi-fi for a while, take care all.