Dear Jay:

I have three comments:

1. “every time I call her actions and motives into question, she flies off into a rage.. and eventually I just back down”- this is the same dynamic that happens all the time in nature: one animal barks or growls angrily, exposing its teeth and takes on an aggressive body posture and the other animal backs down.

Everyone is afraid of aggression, so she gets her way.

2. “I will not be bullied, humiliated or controlled by anyone else. It’s just my sister I have this problem with”- doesn’t make it any better for you, it being your sister who is doing the bullying, does it (“The stress of this whole situation has made me very anxious, so much so that I am taking medication for it”).

3. “I don’t want to have to force the issue because of splitting the whole family up”- make sure there is a family bond that you will be splitting. If by “splitting the whole family up” you mean, for example, that a yearly barbecue event will not take place or that not everyone will show up to the yearly event, this is not a bond that you will be breaking, but an event, and an appearance of a bond.

-maybe lots of people will be glad that they don’t “have to” show up to the event!

What bonds will you be breaking if you stop all personal communications with your sister and fully go the legal route with her, what will happen as a result?

anita