Dear anita

I can see that I have a rational voice that feels more mature and an emotional voice that is scared and vulnerable, in my head. I have to watch these voices fight everyday. The emotional voice drains me out, it is the same voice that speaks when I seek new things. I have to give the rational one a chance at those times – it can definitely emulate the elk in your example. Often the rational voice only comes out when i am alone and calm and while it feels fear too, it can look for ways to actually avert horrible things or let go acknowledging that some things are inevitable. The emotional voice which takes control when i am in tricky situations over exaggerates, bring out my insecurities and makes me feel stuck, it is just not productive.

I want to leave right away. But i have to plan about the logistics. The effort to look for a new job, I will make that my goal. If i can dedicate some amount of time per day then I can be proud that I finally am building my future and not simply waiting for things to end.

I think it is very cool that you live in a wooded area, I can imagine the walks must be very refreshing 🙂

Girija