My mother is indeed on this mission to please her. Couple of days ago (or two weeks perhaps) when I told her about my dream (that grandma was dead and I didn’t read the text on my phone), my mom told me that “perhaps we should call her or something.. she is getting old and in case something happens ..” She meant in case “something” happens we will have this guilt forever, and we will have to live with this feeling of guilt that we didn’t call grandma and she died. And we will be to blame for this situation. I now can see how stupid it sounds, I already know what would be the reaction of my aunt and uncle (my mom’s siblings) when they would find out we haven’t spoken to her till her death. I am aware of this situation, it is disturbing. But it’s not my fault so I am not responsible for it right? My mother doesn’t understand it. We once haven’t spoken to her for a year and after a year we met at the cemetery. Grandma almost had tears in her eyes when she saw us. You could ask why, it’s her who didn’t want to speak to us for a year (which happened also not the first time but second, third maybe, not sure. it happened often in the past). So I can imagine when she would see my at the wedding she would have tears in her eyes because she finally sees me. My cousin told me that last time when grandma didn’t speak to her for 2-3 months (I don’t remember specifically) when she finally came to their house for christmas, first she didn’t hang out in the kitchen where my cousin cooked, and then at the dinner, she had tears in her eyes when she finally spoke to my cousin. Is it just me or does it sound extremely manipulative and fake?