Yes, I’m lucky but it also took me a long time to trust in it again having thought I had it before, bit like you in your current relationship. I think it’s another of those irritating old sayings that turn out to be true – you either grow together or you you grow apart or you get stuck and unhappy in not growing. Over the 18 years – 19 years next week actually! – that we’ve been together we’ve both changed and grown a lot – and what’s important is that whilst yes, we have been there for each other, we’ve also made each other face our own issues and grow through them.

I share this not in the “hey I’m so smug, we’re so awesome”, you hopefully know me better than to expect that and I wouldn’t in anyway claim we’ve done this well at all times! But to share my experience of how the full, enriching experience of a honest partnership takes effort, takes growth, it isn’t the magical Disney ending so often portrayed etc. It was what didn’t happen in my first relationship and it sounds like where you are now – you are growing, dealing as best you can and he is standing still/going backwards, running away instead of forwards. Keep talking to him, honest and open communication although scary is the only way to find out if he is prepared to grow up with you or if he wants to stay as he is. No, I don’t think he has worn a mask all this time, it’s impossible – but I do think you only see some sides of people when you go through tough situations. You know, some people rise to the occasion, some hide etc. How many couples do you know who are fantastic in the good times but fall to bits when inevitably the various challenges life likes to throw at us arise.  I think that’s where you guys are at – especially since you are both dealing with this trauma still as well as all the current stress about finding a new home, losing your family. Glad you have a back-up offer from your friend on that front, must be comforting.

On the trip front, plan on enjoying our own home and the British summer with lots of cycling  (?! ) mostly before escaping again late Aug/Sept – Nov. But I do have a week in Granada coming up start of May – I’m not especially a city person but Granada ( and Prague in Winter, Christmas markets, mmmm! ) is one of my favourite cities I’ve been to yet – the moorish architecture, the Alhambra, the mountain setting and the tapas tradition is just irresistible…..literally!