Anita,

i would say from around 2014 – 2017 my relationship with my ex husband went from bad to really toxic.  I don’t know why and there was no one thing that happened.  There was an agreement to meet his needs once a week.  If I did not act interested there was lots of yelling right before and after.   I noticed that for about 3-4 days after the act his mood was improved and I got a break from the verbal abuse. I felt over time I was prostituting myself in a sense for him to act nicely.  This was never a strong point in our relationship.  I never really enjoyed it.

He hit me once around 2016 and I continued meeting his needs.  I would cry during and after and go in a different room to sleep.  I hated myself after.  Trying to talk about it with friends or my mother was hard.  I got “that’s your husband so you have to do it” or “ just pretend it’s someone else” kind of comments.

i did not feel like anyone understood what I was going through and I believe it effects me now in ways i am not recognizing.

Lindsey