Dear RJG:

You wrote that you are longing for closure, “I want to make sure it’s dead before I could bury it”- let’s look at this last relationship you had, let’s look at the facts, what happened (the numbers are not necessarily exact, but close enough):

Night 1- you met a man in a club, stroke a conversation and exchanged numbers.

Day 1- he called you  in the morning and the two of you met that same evening and made out, “it was all physical”, that is, the two of you had a sexual activity going on. I understand that it didn’t include intercourse, but nonetheless it was sexual.

Day 2 and Night 2- the two of you met at his place and “it was all physical” and you spent the night with him.

Day 3- he called you in the morning to check if you got home safely.

Day 4- you texted him repeatedly “asking if everything’s ok & why is he all so silent”. He said he was busy and will call you in the evening. He called you in the evening asking you to come over to his place.

Night 4- you went over to his place, and “again we got physical”, you cuddled and slept there.

Day 5-You left his place. He doesn’t contact you.

Day 7- after two days of no contact, you texted him and he called you back.

Day 14/night 14- you go to his place and got physical again.

Day 26- no contact since Night 14, twelve days.

My  input: if you look at the bare facts, taking out of the situation what you thoughts, looking only at the facts, it is easy to see that his motivation in seeing you was sexual. What kept him seeing you was the sex he did have with you. Again, the fact that you didn’t have sexual intercourse with him does not mean there was no sex between you, there was plenty of it, hours at a time.

Your motivation was love.

Here is your mistake: you thought that because you were “clear from the start that I ain’t looking for anything just meaningless”, that he will respect that. His motivation was sexual, not beyond, so it didn’t matter to him what you said.

I think that you got confused, because you wanted more, you thought that you did have more with him.

But the more was only in your mind, not his.

You wrote: “I have so many questions & got answers to none”- can you list those questions for me?

anita