Hello James,

I’m similar to you in that I don’t have much self-esteem, and fear rejection. Something I found helpful was.. firstly opening myself up to the possibility that I am worth as much as anyone else. No little than anyone else, and no more. I always felt like I was worth less than others, and then realised I am equal. That was a big step forward, and it applies to you too! You are just as equal as anyone else on the planet. 🙂

After that, reading positive affirmations, coming on websites like this, reading a lot of self-help things. Recognising when I put myself down and then actively questioning it and trying to rephrase it has been a huge help. It’s taking a long time – a few years ago, nearly all of my automatic thoughts in my head put myself down. My first reaction to things would be “I can’t do this,” “I am not good enough for this,” “I am ugly,” etc. Now, I still get those thoughts, but instead they’re more like.. “I can’t do this. Wait. Maybe I can. That’s just my brain putting me down.” If that makes sense.

Recognising what the criticising things are and challenging whether they’re true or not. Sometimes it still feels like the criticisms are true, but repetition is slowly rewiring those thoughts to be more positive. I am slowly feeling more confident and love myself more than I did a few years ago that’s for sure!

I’ve done this mostly without exposing myself to others, as it’s more internal work and re-teaching my brain to think in new ways. I have improved a lot, but I don’t think I can fix the fear of rejection without exposing myself to others more. But there’s still improvements that can be made without other people’s input, if that makes sense.

I don’t know if any of this will apply to you or not. Sorry for rambling!