Hey.

So you already understand it is not possible to change people and that it is not something you should want to do. So unless your boyfriend wants your help to help him focus, you need to either accept him as he is or figure out if this is a deal-breaker for you.

If he wants your help, then there are many practical, pragmatic ways to be supportive in helping work out a schedule and approach that works for him. And that’s the point – you need to be supportive – not responsible. It is his choice and his alone. It is not a problem until he considers it a problem. You can not push him to do this, only help him if /when he wants help.

If I were you, I would also consider spending less time on his perceived problem and consider some of your own views too. E.g. “I am extremely worried if he is gonna look after the family’s financial side”. Why would you assume this would be the case – it sounds like you would naturally be the more capable one for this? Sounds like this is you assuming your life together will mirror that of which you have grown up with? It is ok to be different from your family, it does not make it automatically ‘bad’.

Do you often find yourself unfavorably comparing your boyfriend to your Dad? It sounds like anything your boyfriend does which doesn’t match the standard, especially of work ethic and finances, set in your family causes you concern. If you are truly happy in this relationship apart from this perceived problem, perhaps it’s worth exploring what your own values are. The qualities you list in your boyfriend are very valuable, as valuable as any financial ones.  Accepting him as he is means accepting your lives may look different from those of your parents and you need to decide if you are ok with that without feeling resentful.