Thank you Anita, my biggest mistake is very hard to explain since it has a lot to do with OCD I think, but I will copy and paste my mistake from another forum that I posted it on.

“I feel disgusting that this event ever happened and I feel so much guilt and regret when I look back on it. I’ve been able to live my life normally but it still makes me feel horrible everytime I think of it. I’m going to give some context before I tell the story though. Okay so I basically have an OCD sexual obsession for everything you are not supposed to be attracted to. And to make matters worse sometimes when I’m touched by someone I do not want to be attracted to, I feel something down there. I think it might be because of fear, because I do get the same feeling out of fear in other circumstances, and not because of anything sexually related. Anyways, what happened was I was sleeping over at a friend’s house (I was 13 or so) and her little sister jumped on top of my legs, and I think as a compulsion or something I wanted to prove to myself that the feeling I get down there when I get touched by people, I don’t want to be attracted to, is not related to being actually sexually attracted to them and it was just something that happened when anyone touched me. so I tried to get the feeling without realizing that what I was doing was wrong. I kind of pushed like I was trying to pee (I’m really sorry this story is so gross but that’s the only way I can explain it without not making sense?) To try to get the feeling. I don’t think that I thought of it as a sexual thing, and I know for sure I was not doing it for sexual pleasure. It was not like that at ALL. It was purely because I wanted to prove to myself it had nothing to do with sexual attraction. I’m not even sure if it counted as something sexual because I don’t even think what I was trying to do was have a sexual feeling since it was just like an anxious reaction I think. I know this story is probably really confusing and I might sound like a horrible person but I just had to let it off my chest. I accidentally did this two other times (not with the same person) without realizing what I was doing (one of the times was before this specific event and then one shortly after some how),. I don’t know how I made the same stupid mistake 3 times, I honestly just didn’t know what I was doing or something, it’s so weird. I don’t understand how I made the mistake again after feeling incredibly guilty. And then after I did it I would realize what just happened and hate myself. But after the third time I learned my lesson and didn’t forget it. Should I let myself move on or continue feeling guilty?”

I know that might be difficult to understand.. but now I compare myself with people who did worse than what I did. It causes me so much pain. I feel like an actual monster.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by sofia.