Hi everyone, I would appreciate some help as I’m terrified that if I continue to act this way it will mean the end of my relationship.

So my boyfriend and I met last year February and were quite on and off last year as neither of knew what we wanted. I broke up with him, he broke up with me, but then at the beginning of this year, we found each other again and have been together ever since (almost 6 months now). Just some side information – I have never been the jealous or clingy type before him and its almost as if something has triggered and I now get so angry at him for no reason at all and cant snap myself out of my mood until I am alone and can think about everything, by then its too late and his annoyed with me for getting upset for no reason.

So you should know that there was an incident about 3 months ago where I came back early from a party that we were both attending and a wave of paranoia came over me. I was watching movies on his iPad and started going through his Instagram messages – where I found a lot of flirting from his side with girls I don’t know from when we had just got together in Feb 2019. I let it go because we were just starting again and thought that maybe he didn’t have much faith since we had been so on and off the previous year. I then went onto his app store to see if he had had tinder at a stage, it showed it had been downloaded before so I redownloaded it, logged in and saw that he had been chatting and flirting with girls a week before. obviously, I lost my shit and drove home at 1 am. He still swears to this day that his account was hacked by one of his friends and that it wasn’t him messaging those girls. I don’t believe him, but I have let it go to an extent because I don’t want us to break up. it sounds like I’m making excuses for his but he is the most amazing and thoughtful person most of the time, genuinely.

So now I see a picture of him with a girl, I see a girl in his videos on his story or he goes out with his friends instead of me, or he doesn’t even have to do anything and I’m in a mood with him. and i really try to notice it in time but its always too late.

i can see he is getting irritated with me when i get upset like this, and i think he has forgotten that i asked him to give me time to build up my trust again from the tinder incident (to which his response is usually; “i don’t think its fair that I’m being punished for something i didn’t do” where i know he’s lying).

Do you guys maybe have techniques that you use to calm yourself down before you say something you regret or start a fight for being angry for no reason? i would really appreciate any advice right now