Kay,

I am sorry that you feel stupid.  I believe we are subconsciously programmed by our family-of-origin upbringing.  I believe that from that, we unconscious about who we attract in our lives and the choices we make despite our best of our intentions.  So please give yourself a break.  You were as cautious as you could be in this.  I suggest that a takeaway lesson in this is not to be the one who puts yourself out as much in doing the listening, understanding, and supporting.  I suspect this is your M.O., probably your way of “keeping” a man in your life.  A lot of women behave like that for you are the gender that is the nurturer.  Society “raises” you do do that.

You said you never had a relationship with him but you did.  You talked for hours.  You had visits and dinners together.  You can communicate what sort of relationship you want from him next time you talk.  You can be clear, direct and specific.  He can respond if he wants the same or not.  Part of your direct communication, you can set the parameters of the kind of contact, the frequency of contact you want.  Again, it’ll be up to him to decide if he wants meet your needs or not.

Mark