Thanks Anita,

In terms of her bahaviour, she was only truly affectionate with me in private, when we weren’t with our mutual friends. I mean, from time to time, she would show a bit of affection with them around, but it was withheld.

It was also when I told her I loved her, after we had been to her prom together. She didn’t say it back. Only when I got back to the hostel I was staying at she thanked me a wonderful night and sent me a link to a song called “I love you” by WoodKid. I didn’t think much of it.

I didn’t meet her family, but she met mine  I met her friends, and they all seemed to know me. I can remember arriving at her prom and being swamped by people saying “So you’re (my name)?” And a friend of hers even told me “You have no idea how much she talks about you”

I suppose the first few weeks after I ghosted her, I was angry and heartbroken. At the time I thought it was the best for me, but I was really struggling.

I got into a relationship with a girl who looked very much like her. I’m not proud of it, but that was my state of mind. It was a sort of rebound I suppose.

As the months went on, I realised that I longed for her. I really missed her. I would constantly question whether I made the right choice. I was too ashamed to get in touch with her, so I continued with my life.

For the rest of these years, I’ve only had positive thoughts about her. Every day. Sexual, sure, but I was still deeply in love with her, and that flame I have for her has not left.