Anita,

Thanks for your perspective–I agree that trust is really the building block to any meaningful relationship.  Much more so than infatuation, which is what I often worry my feelings towards S can only be described as.  For me, I cut things off with him–despite being very, very into him–because logically, I knew that I could not date someone, even casually, that didn’t respect my time, wasn’t consistent, didn’t show a genuine interest in getting to know me, etc.  And so I distanced myself from him,  because I knew that he was someone I couldn’t rely on to provide me with what I 100% know I need in a relationship.  And him saying things behind my back to suggest the feelings were one-sided only confirmed my fears that maybe I just have an unhealthy infatuation I need to work to get over.

The only problem is, the more I try to let go and move on, the more I cling onto him.  I really don’t know why.  I’ve had many relationships/flings over the years and though some have been intense, I’ve usually gotten over them without any issues (with the exception of 1 boyfriend who was on my mind for years, but that was an actual relationship.  Unlike this).  I don’t know what it is about S that makes me still think about him so often.  I try to fill my time with meaningful things–seeing friends, taking trips, hobbies–but the negative part of me feels really disappointed in myself.  Like maybe my life is so empty that I need to invent wild romances to make it more exciting.  I feel bad if that’s the case, because I really do just want to live in the present and see reality as it is instead of living in some fantasy I’ve created.

It also doesn’t help that at times S has appeared to have similar feelings, though he’s refused to actually talk about them in depth with me.  Again, the pessimistic part of me has come to the conclusion that he probably doesn’t have those feelings after all….he’s probably just getting some ego boost from having a girl that’s “super into him,” as he told his friend.  I don’t know.  I’m tired of speculating about his state of mind or emotions towards me and just want to focus on myself, but it’s really hard.  Especially since he lives in the same city and I know it’s possible that I’ll run into him in a social setting.