it’s an interesting question because before my mental health struggles, I didn’t necessarily think something was inherently wrong with me (so, before me being 16 or so) at least not consciously?

Yes I had issues with envy, comparison, social anxiety and being more interested in fantasy that real world but I didn’t find them that bad nor I found them that hard to get past to, maybe it was because I was very young and I knew I was very young and had all the time to develop into something that would made me proud.

Then my ocd hit me, the my depersonalization hit me, then I found that my compulsive seek into trying to stop weird habits and become something new wasn’t successful at all, me getting unnecessary intense emotions on crushes and stuff wasn’t normal at all, me noticing that I could no longer define my symptoms by well defined mental disorders but simply finding that my mind and my self just functioned in weird, twisted ways wasn’t encouraging at all.

It’s like I was on a path to develop nicely but then I went for another, sideline path and my whole self got twisted and sick, fucking up my identity and my roots.

This is how I feel