Thanks Inky and Anita.

Well yes as you can see there is a pattern in how i perceive or handle relationships. Its extremely stressful and upsetting to me. I feel so alone and sad because of it and have so much anxiety. I just dont even know how to be myself right now.

My mother doesnt really talk about my dad but from the past she said he does having drinking problems and i remember this and im fully aware that he does have this issue. I know my father not being in my life or coming and going does relate deep down to maybe why im so anxious in a relationship or tolerate things that dont serve me. Yet i dont know why im drawn to keep attracting those these types of relationships.  Recently, I decided to go find my dad at his job. I was successful in this and we did have a talk but he doesnt actually talk to me about why he left and this and that. I thought maybe if I try one more time that it would make a difference in how I felt, but it really didnt. It was nice to see him but i already know my relationship with my father will not be more than it is now and it does make me sad but it feels that there isnt much I can do.

Also my mother and me having a pretty good relationship, other than the fact that she doesnt really like to ever hear about my problems with relationships. She doesnt think my dad is related to my problems. I really care about my mom and we have a much better relationship than we did when i was younger. When i was younger we argued a lot and i didnt really listen to her. But since i have grown up and been living on my own our relationship has gotten a lot stronger.

As far as the condemn box i didnt bring it up.. I just asked about other girls and he said no. Because what if it was from us in the past but then its like there is no way that would just be sitting there empty from a month or two ago… It just seems so weird idk. It messes with my head. If he is in fact having sex with other people I cannot be with him, whether he admits to it or not. Its too painful and makes me feel so low about myself. He said that we arent together so we can do what we want but then he says we are together and we need to build our reltionship back up after these issues basically. But i asked him how are we supposed to build it back up if we dont discuss things or spend enough time together? He says things should naturally just happen. Which makes me so frustrated when he says that because it seems so passive. Idk.