Hey Lena,

was wondering how you were doing. I’ve had to come to some hard realizations myself. The TF label really just holds us accountable to doing the spiritual work. But sometimes i think people use it as a reason to give passes for peoples bad behavior. Every relationship needs respect, intimacy, consistency, boundaries & healthy communication. Without that its quite unhealthy. I think the fact that these people are our TF it gives us extra insight, empathy, understanding & the ability to love and forgive. And there’s alot that can come from those insights & perspectives that we can use for our own healing & to help others.

Our minds play alot of tricks on us though. Our minds are wired to try & rationalize, shortcut, and make sense of things. So even in unhealthy situations our minds will find a way to rationalize it for comfort. That’s to say, one of my hardest challenges has been to separate everything the spiritual, mental, emotional & physical- make sense of those things so I could figure out what I needed fully in order to piece it back together the right way.

I find myself angry at my TF, angry at myself for losing some self respect in the process of chasing them & trying to hold on to them while they were unhealthy because its left me beat up in some ways. I find myself trying to take distance but worrying about my TF, wanting to check on them. I find my physical body literally rejecting them, in physical pain when connected because of built up worry, feeling loss of control, feeling unable to move forward, being a control freak.. and i just found all my parts at war until I had to just say “You know what f*ck it..”

The craziest part is, that’s what we are supposed to do in the end, give in to OURSELVES, Our needs, develop more self love, self respect, confidence.

You’re not the only one experiencing what you’re experiencing, tons of people on the journey or who were on the journey have. It all just forces us to do what we need for ourselves & we’ve been needing to making healthier decisions & not listening, so it took this to really bring some awakening in that sense.

You can message me if you’d like. Maybe we can support eachother in the self development process. I’ll give an email im not too worried about sharing :

iamgrenada1111@gmail.com