Dear cali sister:

I say it is your turn for the rest of your life, not just this week.

Regarding cutting contact with your parents- you have two people who understand: me and your therapist. When I cut contact with my mother (my father was dead at that point)- I was seeing a therapist, and a wonderful one. Except that he himself didn’t support my NC decision- it was a point of great disappointment for me. I felt that I was in the process of convincing him that it was the right thing for me- he didn’t disapprove of it- but he was not at all  excited about it, not at all. So you see, I had no one at all excited or supportive about it. At least you have two people.

Cutting contact with parents go against societal conventions. Your friends probably feel threatened or uncomfortable about the topic- maybe they wanted to cut contact with their parents many times before, maybe they don’t anymore,  but they don’t want to be reminded of that angst.

I would say- forget about celebrating your NC decision with anyone. Except for here and in therapy, if your therapist is indeed comfortable and excited for you. NC is still a revolutionary decision in society.

Another topic: for you to move on at this point, you have to free yourself from the family role where you were stuck for  so long- “my entire life has been protecting others.. At home, I had to protect my parents.. With my sister, I have to protect her, so I cannot express myself”-

– you have to free yourself from this family role, in addition to NC.

It is probably a good idea that your sister will be moving then, as difficult as it would be for you to not have family in nyc. You will visit; she will visit.

We talked earlier about me communicating with your sister today regarding inaccurate projections about you, something I did as well  as she. I have an idea- I can suggest to the two of you how to go about your relationship with each other at this time, post your NC and as you aim at freeing yourself from the family role you’ve been stuck in for so long.

If you agree, tell me more about that family role, of you protecting your sister and not expressing yourself, give me concrete example in addition to your recent example of her happy texts (a good example in itself).

Also- no need for you to read the quotes post I sent you- anytime in the future when it feels like, no time requirement.

anita