Thanks for taking the time to respond to me Anita.

My husband and I found time to connect and talk on Monday. I told him from my heart that I have no regret for our life together and I have no resentment against him. What I hope for, for both of us, is to be at peace and harmony in our marriage together or in our lives as individuals if we determine to separate. I shared with him that when things between us are in disharmony I feel ‘longing’ and ‘attachment’ to the IDEA of relationships with others and/or for leading a different life then we currently have. I explained that makes me feel ashamed that I am not fulfilling my intention to not cause harm and that I am failing at enjoying life with non-attachment. He was able to express that he has been feeling frustrated, worried, and insecure. We were able to create a plan together going forward to do daily feelings and needs check ins. I’m hopeful again and a little worried that this will end up being another upswing of the same cycle… but I do plan to diligently check in with him daily even if I always have to initiate that check in. I also did express my understanding of sex within lay practice through the Dharma… that it is to be the embodiment of connection and caring and love and not simply a physical act that results in physical pleasure. I explained that when we are not communicating well and thus not connecting well that I feel like I’m ‘being used’ and ‘using him’ for physical release, which I would like to refrain from going forward. He expressed understanding and agreed. Again, I’m hopeful. Thank you so much for being here – jen