Hi Anita, I’m back as I promised. A few months has passed and as I said, I’ve very slowly started trying to focus on healing my life and my mindset. As you suggested, I’m trying to be more social and spend less time alone. It’s not always easy and it’s very frustrating sometimes but I don’t want to give up on myself no more. Last month my grandma has passed away out of the blue, we weren’t very close but it has been a very sad and disheartening moment to me. Sometimes I have nostalgia of her but like for every other feeling, I try to sit with it instead of repressing it more than necessary or put on my daydreaming coping mechanisms. I’m also trying not to stalk this guy who doesn’t reciprocate me on social networks and try not to check obsessively if he sees my stories and posts. It’s hard to be vulnerable or honest with my peers. I feel so young next to them. I never have a lot to say about my life and I feel like I’m nothing next to them. I’m giving a chance to some dudes but sometimes it’s like a duty. Even if I don’t immediately feel a strong attraction I still try to give it a go and know people better but I’m a difficult person to understand and feel too behind on lot of things, I don’t want to be shamed or ridiculized.