Hi Inky, I was looking for some honest feedback because sometimes others can see more about a situation than we can. I agree, I’d like to meet his friends and I don’t completely understand the reluctance there, but there are some reasons why your suggestion won’t work. There isn’t really anywhere to have his friends over too, because he is briefly living at home, so we would need to go out with them or visit them. Since I’ve discussed it with him and he seemed receptive to my feelings, I don’t believe he is actively looking to avoid it. He was even considering inviting me the last time he went, but his reasoning was that it would be too intimate of an event for an introduction. It was his best friend’s birthday and his friend’s family was there and their closest friends. It didn’t seem like an appropriate time to throw me into the mix. Honestly, we’ve spent A LOT of time together and when he goes to see his friends, which is infrequently, I think he enjoys it as a chance to have some time apart. The anxious side of me sees it as a red flag, but usually when a guy isn’t interested in inviting me into his life, he is reluctant in a lot of other ways, and inviting me to Christmas with his family would not be a part of that. I dated a guy I now call “the napper” for a month, who consistently couldn’t make it out to see me because he was “napping” after work. It got to the point where the napping just took over.. and it was too hard to ignore the lies. That guy was all happy to introduce me to his friends though.

Another thing I guess I forgot to mention is that my ex was an alcoholic and my new guy knows about this. I have discussed how hard this was for me, especially because I had an aunt who died recently from alcoholism. When he goes out with his friends he will often partake in more drinking than usual. I believe he is trying to be respectful of me and not introduce me to that side of him so soon or too often, because of my past. He is not a big drinker at all, but on a few occasions he does throw a few back with the friends. So this might be another reason I haven’t been invited out yet. He is very willing to come to my family events and he has met my friends like I said. I feel like my new guy is a little more cautious and it may actually be a good thing.

I was mostly kind of mulling over it because I would hope that we could share time with different people, and I hope that he thinks I will be a welcome to addition to his group eventually. Really I’m also curious to see a side of him that I do not see because he has a long history with a few of these friends. It would be nice to get to know some of that, and to see the kind of company he chooses to keep beyond me. I think because he is one of the few single friends among this married group it’s a bit of a declaration to bring a new relationship into it. There will be questions, especially if I disappear and I get the feeling that that has happened to girls he’s dated in the past.

I sound like I’m being defensive, but I think I’ve made more peace with the not-meeting-his-friends-thing. It will start to bother me only if it goes on for a long time. As long as he continues to put effort into his relationship with me that matters a little more for now. He has turned down a few weekend outings with said friends to go on trips with me and such. As we’ve been settling into our relationship a little more, a few weekends ago he said he really needed a boys night. I could tell he didn’t want me to be upset about it. I’m happy he wants to do those things because my last ex didn’t have any friends. Also, when he gets his own place again there will be more of a common ground for us to hang out with various people together.

I do agree that maybe I will wait a month or so to see if Valentine’s Day does reveal any extra feelings on his part.

Anita, I also appreciate your input. I’ve come to realize that part of my being cautious about revealing my feelings has to do with not knowing how exactly I should express it. Part of that is because I realize the choice to be together is not mine. I have made up my mind. Declaring that he loves me will mean far more than me declaring that I love him. Not that my love is any less, but it has always been easier for me to give. I’m brave that way. Still I may declare it, to allow him to have all the information he may need. I will do this once I am comfortable with all the anxiety of the unknown of whether it will be returned. I am already programmed to expect the worst most of the time, so I can’t even picture a reciprocal scenario really.. I guess I’m always prepared.

Occasionally I get these flashes of intuition about our future. I’ve been trying to ignore them, because they’re good. It’s so hard for me to believe that good could come for me. My life hasn’t played out that way.