Thank you Anita for all your advice. You are very objective, clear, and honest which I really appreciate.

I’m wondering if their are deeper issues here with this guy… he is 37 years old, has only had one “real” relationship and it was “toxic”. My friends often see him out at bars or around town, and he’s usually alone or with guy friends, with the exception of the time I saw him with a woman that seemed like a possible date.

He lost his father to drugs when he was a baby, grew up with a step father basically. Perhaps he struggles with his own deeper insecurities or pain from past experiences.

Maybe it’s my ego, but I wish he saw me as desirable enough to change his ways haha. I know that’s obviously unrealistic, but it’s a fantasy I have. I really need to accept his lifestyle and move past this idea that he would come after me and want to commit.

Something else I’ll need to work on is getting past the anger.. perhaps I’m angry at myself for not communicating more clearly early on in our encounters. But when I see him in person (which is actually quite often as we live in the same neighborhood) I struggle with wanting to ignore him and play it off as I don’t care about what happened, versus wanting to give him a lot of attention and ask how he is, etc. It’s in my nature to be so friendly and bubbly and talkative to people I like. But when I have this tinge of pain/anger I feel like I shouldn’t give him any attention or energy… even though realistically he did nothing wrong. Maybe having this time apart will help me heal and I’ll be able to see him as a friendly acquaintance around town but nothing more… and perhaps soon I’ll meet someone more in line with my values.