Hi Anita, and thanks. Hope all is well with you.

When I got a bad grade at school, she wasn’t happy about it but she wanted me to focus on rectifying it rather than punishment. I however remember I really didn’t want to disappoint her but actually don’t know why as whilst she asked me to study more and get a better grade next time, she didn’t really “punish” me and she didn’t hold it against me. I think I just wanted her to be happy and she was so happy when I was performing well. If I didn’t show up on time for dinner or didn’t do what I said I would do (didn’t happen often as I was and still am to some extend a people-pleaser), she would usually tell me off, sometimes it would lead to grounding, so I couldn’t go out after school for a few days to play with my friends. Usually however this wasn’t the case and even if sometimes it happened, she would let me go out sooner in the end if she saw I was remorseful. I think as she always had a lot on her shoulders, I really just tried to not add on to her worries (job, difficult marriage, difficult son..). She was someone I could always rely on, get support from and I guess I just didn’t want to add on to her stress, so I tried to be not be a problematic child, which I think I succeeded at, even as a teenager.

I think because both of my parents, despite their flaws, have always been so kind to me, I find it so hard that my husband would always suspect the worst reasoning in any situations etc. I know his mother is the very opposite to mine, and I never warmed up to her and he struggles with her too, so that might be the reason. My friends think he’s jealous of my relationship with my Mum and the fact that my Mum has been so nice to him and I can rely on her but I don’t know. He’d have to answer that one I suppose.