Dear Anita, you wrote: “Like you I didn’t know an identity, not in my twenties, or my thirties, or forties. I too did not trust myself to make decisions, not even small decisions, not even the smallest decision between having vanilla or strawberry ice cream, literally.” – Could you please elaborate on that? I think I know what you mean, but I’m not sure if it happened to me, perhaps yes, I need to think about that.  I think small everyday decisions bring me struggle, never knew why I’m so indecisive  but could you please say more about it. Example: when choosing a face cream seeing all the wide choice I have, I cannot buy one, I HAVE TO buy 3 or 4 because I can’t choose which is the good one and I’m afraid if I do choose only one I’ll miss out somehow, so I  get a couple of them so that I don’t have to choose. wow that’s really weird.

Yes I am aware of my need for my mother, recently I have feeling I “miss ” her but not miss her, as you miss someone, I know spending time with her is: walking on eggshells, being careful not to offend her, listening to her vent, being scolded, absorbing her emotions, so NO, I don’t “miss” her as a basic meaning of a word ‘miss’. I miss having a mother. I miss a person she sometimes was, whenever she behaved “okay” it was cool for me. But mostly she’s not and she has a bad influence on me, so phone calls from time to time are okay, don’t affect me that much I think.