Thanks @Genie and @shelby. I appreciate the encouragement a lot! Soon after I posted that I started feeling bad about being angry and berating myself for all the mistakes I made during the relationship. This always happens, even when the anger towards someone  is justified. I think it speaks to my lack of self worth again in that I always focus on what I’ve done wrong rather than giving myself space to feel when others have hurt me.

So the anger has just turned to sadness, which I find even more annoying because at least anger feels more productive. I think the sadness this time is about the realisation that I am likely going to have to cut all contact if I really want to move on. Not having her in my life still seems daunting but I think everyone who has said that contact doesn’t help while the emotional connection is there is right. My brain knows this and yet I can almost hear my poor hopeful hert go “but…”

You’re definitely right Shelby that keeping busy helps! One thing I made sure to do, even immediately after the break up was find as many ways to distract myself as I could. The one silver lining of this is that it has meant I have connected with friends who kinda fell into the background when my ex and I were together, and they have shared their own stories of heartbreak which has made us closer. I talked to one the other day who was helpful reminding me that my ex is not always worthy of the pedestal I put her on.  Of course, that’s only my side of the story but it’s been a good way to get my rose coloured glasses off. She did say that it took her close to two years to get over her first heartbreak which on one hand is very alarming to me and in the other is comforting because it makes me feel like I’m doing okay in the scheme of things. Like, despite feeling quite sad the past few days I did have pockets of happiness and functioned fairly well at work. One of my colleagues told me yesterday that I am a great person to talk to when she needs a pep talk, which I find funny because I have hardly been in a pep talk mood. If only I could give more to myself!

I don’t really have anything planned this weekend so hopefully I can keep myself distracted enough. I think I am at the stage you were at awhile ago where you were too scared to contact your ex because you knew it likely wouldn’t give you the reaction you wanted. I guess that’s better than having to resist the urge to contact them eh.

Thanks for enabling me to come into your thread and dump so many of my thoughts. I can understand the feeling like an imposter when you are still struggling yourself but your replies really have helped me. 🙂

Genie – the insights you shared about finding new purpose and self worth resonated with me also. Thanks for sharing. I hope things continue to go well with the new guy!

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Adelaide1.