Hi all,

Back online and now perched on my balcony in Krabi, Thailand. Loving being warm and sunny again – as well as all the awesome food 🙂  Definitely makes all the long years commuting and working my proverbial off worth it now!

Anyway – onto more important things, you guys.

@ Adelaide. Being able to feel anger is awesome. It’s not easy for a lot of people, especially if you’ve been brought up as a people pleaser or have low selfesteem. I found as I went through the various stages post break-up I’d see-saw back and forth through the different stages of sadness, anger, fear, acceptance, peace, forgiveness – it wasn’t a straight-forwards x to y to z thing.  Being angry means your self-esteem is alive and kicking, which is a good thing. A great thing in fact. I was incredibly angry at how fast my ex was ok, just didn’t seem fair when I was in so much pain.  These days I’m actually grateful that he did it as I like myself as the person I am now so much more. So it does change and you will flip-flop around, for lack of a better description but eventually the helpful feelings last longer and longer.  I think its fantastic that the experience has opened your eyes, recognising that you do want a relationship, it is possible for you. No wonder you are angry, you just think it’s possible and it’s whipped away from you.  If you’ve read 70 pages odd you’ll probably have seen my post on where one of the things that helped me the most was being determined to “stay open”. To not let one bad experience stop me from trying again. To not close myself off from trusting again. Not easy and it takes time and baby steps – but I firmly believe you too will come out the other side happier and stronger.

@Genie. I love the fact you shared Mark M’s post – I love his whole blog and have often recommended sections/articles. He just has a great no nonsense approach, as well as a wicked sense of humour. His advice is usually spot on, if people can take it in the way it’s intended – he doesn’t sugar coat anything. Sounds like things are still going well with your new guy, slow and steady and sharing your fears & hopes. Awesome.

@Rob. Having been with my other half twenty years in a couple of months, I fully understand the size of the hole that is left. Keep reaching out, either here or with friends nearby, we’re all here to support you as needed. Share your pain as many times as you need to. Focus on the here and now, keep yourself fed, sleep as best as you can, wash. The basics. It’s pretty much all you can do whilst it’s still so overwhelming. As above, you will cycle through a sh*t lot of emotions. Feel them but when you reach drowning point – reach out for help. You don’t need to go through this alone.

@Shelby. Yeah, it’s a shame you still haven’t reached the anger stage huh. From everything you have shared I would suspect you find anger hard in general. After all, it’s a confrontation of sorts – and you’ve mentioned that your general mode of operation is to run/take flight from anything like that. It’s also easy to feel that anger is “bad” when you’ve been brought up to keep people happy. Easier to just keep the peace and bury those feelings else you might lose control eh.  Intellectually you know it’s ok to be angry but emotionally you just aren’t used to dealing with it. Being angry also means accepting he isn’t perfect, isn’t deserving of that pedestal you still have him on. And if you have to take him down from the pedestal then you have to admit it really is over. And I don’t think you want that – you still believe and hope in your secret heart of hearts that he is still the one for you, hoping against hope that he will realise it too. Like I said, I have seen some really good friends get stuck at this point, great people who remain single twenty years later as no new relationship ever “measures up” to that one guy. Despite everything reality and their friends and family tell them :-).  So it’s not something anybody else can really help you with. At some point you’ll either decide you do want to give a real relationship a go and will let him go from that pedestal – or you can keep him there and stay safe from trying again.  Being busy is a good way to build new habits that lessen the pain but eventually it needs dealing with if you want to move on. Your choice, as always. Both are fine, just different paths in this adventure of life. Just don’t be unaware of where your choices lead you.

@Kkasxo. How goes it m’dear? New job settling in ok or all a bit over your head and swamped with new people and things to do?!  Realised you never said how you coped with your family going back home – are they all back now or are some still with you? I’m mentally sending you a picture of the sparkling blue sea and tropical jungle I’m staring at to help with that depressing British winter!!

Take care all.