@genie

Thanks for your gentle, on point advice! I am in a much calmer state of mind tonight and I earlier was basically telling myself the same things you wrote. Letting my birthday – the one day of the year that we can be as self indulgent as we like – be defined by whether or not I get a message from her is ridiculous.

I have been reflecting on how many risks I have taken since my last birthday. I took big risks with both my living situation and my job and they have worked out beyond my wildest dreams. Last birthday I could have never imagined those aspects of my life being so good. Last birthday I couldn’t imagine falling in love. But they are, and I did. All of these things were wildly unexpected, and while the love one hasn’t worked out, I am so glad I took that risk. In this moment it feels like a gift – because I have been given an insight into what love is like, but also been given an opportunity to use it to find something better. I laugh at myself in these moments, because I sound like a different person when I am anxious and when I’m not, and I feel like one too  – shows the power of the anxious mind! I know the the anxiety and sadness will return and I will doubt ever believing this. But here I am writing it down and positing it, so it must be. 🙂

Here’s to birthday celebrations and appreciating the good people and things in my life. There are so many! Thank you for being so kind and supportive. I really appreciate you. X

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Adelaide1.