Dear Nia:

You are welcome. Yes, I think you are jealous: very worried about your husband liking another woman more than he likes you and preferring to be with her than with you.. and that he will leave you and replace you with another woman.

And yes, I do think that when you heal enough from this aching emptiness in your heart, you will feel way less jealous.

Problem is, Nia, that it is possible that he will leave you. No woman in the whole wide world can guarantee that her husband will not leave her in one way or another. If you don’t accept this possibility (no matter how low the chance may be), then you will never have peace of mind, because there will never be a guarantee.

“I already remember when I was a child, this emptiness already exist and I often feel lonely”. I imagine the girl that you were, after your parents divorced and your mother moved away, it was always in your thoughts, that she left you, that she was not  with you anymore. And those thoughts and feelings tortured you.  You felt like your own mother didn’t care for you. You were wondering where she was, maybe you were wondering if she was caring for another child, but not for you, and felt jealous.

Fast forward, this girl meets a boy, gets married, and thinks similar thoughts and she feels the same feelings that the little, lonely girl felt years ago, only now she feels these feelings about her husband, instead of it being about her mother: “it’s always in my thoughts… it’s torture me… feels like he didn’t care for me.. his care.. with her”!

I am pleased to read that you felt the jealousy but chose “to keep silent and try to focus .. on another thing.. and post here also”- do that again and again. Develop this self discipline to not act out on your jealousy and distress, and instead, focus on something else, distracting yourself. You are welcome to post here anytime.

anita