@genie, sorry at the time I posted you hadn’t yet but my post required approval, I guess because I posted a link. I am beyond thrilled to hear about your chat with Jay going so well! Like Shelby said you absolutely deserve this, and I am so proud of you for taking such a considered approach even when all your instincts are telling you otherwise, and even when you know there are risks! That is truly triumphing over anxiety. And undoubtedly there will be times you feel gripped by it again but the important thing is that you can rely on yourself to get through and let it pass. Amazing!!

I agree that this thread has helped me through some extremely low days, and I have endless gratitude towards you all in taking the time to give me reassurance, encouragement and honest advice. I would be in a very different, much less strong place without it I feel.

@Michelle it is so nice to hear from you! Glad you are safe. Fingers crossed things remain under control and you are able to get out! Thanks so much for valuing my contributions. You’re right, ignorance truly is bliss… but then I guess as the saying goes knowledge is power! And yup, the people pleasing is such a hard habit to break and there are a plethora of logical reasons why, as a disabled woman, I have developed it – so I don’t begrudge myself for it but like you say, about taking the opportunity to recognise it and react differently. Thanks for your reassurance about reaching out to my ex. She replied and thanked me for being so lovely. And my poor heart for a moment divulged in a fantasy about getting back together, but the difference from a few months ago is that I can much more easily correct that thinking with a dose of reality. And the reality is that neither of us would be able to meet each other’s physical, emotional, and communication needs- I mean god, that was hard enough when we weren’t in the middle of a global pandemic with her respective health needs and my accessibility ones! So yes while I still care for her a lot, the fantasy of her being the person for me is over and that feels good tbh.

I’m also currently coaching a friend through a breakup and it feels really gratifying having all these lessons to pass on. He’s currently trying the “I’ll just try keep in casual contact, I can’t do no contact” approach which I remember extremely well. But people have to figure this stuff out in their own time. You definitely all helped me with that too.

The world is certainly a scary place to be at the moment. Unlike a lot of countries we don’t have community spread here yet and the govt has taken extreme border measures early. But only a matter of time it seems. Feeling thankful for how adaptable being disabled has made me – I am used to living with extreme uncertainty, having to change plans and make peace with having restricted access to things all the time – but also acutely aware of my and many friends’ vulnerabilities as a result. Very sensible to avoid the news and just take things one day at a time.

Shelby, so impressed with the reaction to your ex’s text!! You have come a hugely long way. Really!

Sending love and calming vibes to all. xox

• This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Adelaide1.