Hi again,

I ended up writing my letter how you suggested.. I’ve yet to go back and read it, but it definitely gave me some relief to be able to write down everything I was feeling. I decided to cut off all contact with him. It has been rough, but I don’t feel like a huge emotional rollercoaster. It has been a week and a half since I last spoke to him. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy and doing things I enjoy. It has been a bit rough, being so that I’m stuck at home. I have been able to keep myself put together for the most part. I don’t feel the urge to text him, right now I actually don’t think I even want to talk to him.

Over the last week and a half he has contacted me twice, I didn’t respond. Yesterday, some of our friends who we used to dance salsa with started a group chat with us. He responded, but I tried my hardest not to, and didn’t. I know the best way to avoid those moments and feeling nostalgic would be to block him. I don’t think I am there yet. Maybe it’s just my heart in denial, maybe I feel too emotionally exhausted to put myself through more sadness and anxiety. Yesterday was super rough, I cried the whole time in the shower, and later in the evening I cried for about two hours. It started with missing him, but transitioned into how he treated me and what I had to go through in the relationship.

I hadn’t mentioned this but I was having so much trouble sleeping, however these past few days I started to sleep a bit better. I still struggle to fall asleep, but my sleep is now continuous. I manage to get around 5 6 hours of it. I also started eating a bit more, as I have lost around 10 pounds in the last few weeks. I think that means I am slowly healing. I am still having feelings of wanting to ask him to reconsider, him breaking up with me totally crushed my self-esteem. I know this relationship wasn’t healthy for me, I of course still love him, I think I need time or closure or to be able to leave my home once again. Being stuck at home during this quarantine makes me feel I am stuck with my thoughts and feeling this way, I don’t know how to explain it. Anyway, I was reading other people’s posts on here, and realized a lot of people are going through similar or worse things than me. I also saw people revisiting after years and sharing how they are doing now. It was so refreshing to see that they overcame their struggles and that time really heals wounds. It’s only been a bit over two weeks for me, so it’s fresh. I still cry and have super bad days full of anxiety, but I am waking up every day and getting through the days with all I have to offer right now.