@adelaide sometimes I read what you write over again as it is so well written and you are so so astute and aware!

Yes control is the problem, just need to let it go and live. The thing is I am enjoying the moment but I’m limiting the moments if that makes sense. He suggested he comes over to mine because he knows I don’t want to come to his parents, now that the lockdown has further been extended further he joked he would come under the rule he was escaping an argumentative environment and going to stay with a friend as apparently that’s allowed under the guidelines. I told him off though and said he shouldn’t joke about that as unfortunately there are people in abusive homes stuck in lockdown with their abusive partners. He went a bit subdued over facetime. Another case of foot in mouth for me! We were fine later that evening though so that’s good otherwise I think my anxiety would have tortured me all night.

I am considering it but don’t know if I’m ready to jump straight into living with each other.

Your Iso date (I love that term too!) Wowee! Sounds like it went perfectly. Definitely cheering you on. Michelle can be the mascot if she is tom boyish! I’ll take the pom poms and skirt. Or t shirts it is. GO adelaide GO! You deserve this chick..but just busy yourself and you’ll be one step further in this new adventure. I’m so glad to read she made contact again too – see you are awesome believe in yourself chick! Double woo hoo! What’s remarkable is you’ve moved on, well done on recognising you deserve a relationship which meets your needs and you don’t have to waste time pining over something which wasnt for you. It was nice of your ex, if you are fine with cordial and it doesn’t affect you in anyway than you can keep contact open and reply cordially. However, this is the perfect time to cut the cord and remove contact completely that way if something doesn’t go your way in other aspects of your life you are not tempted to go back there because it feels comfortable and safe. That can take you all the way back to square 1 and undo all the hard work in moving on. An ex is an ex for a reason. That is why I got my ex to block me so I never felt tempted. It worked! Now Im in a much more fulfilling almost rship with Jay. Someone who I initially messed around and neverbthought I’d be at this stage but when someone gets you it beats everything!

It is a great you don’t need to be sucked into a conversation with your flirty acquaintance for a short term ego boost. That is an achievement too, you starting to see your own value and you don’t need that type of attention, you recognise that you want genuine connections and people in your inner circle who care about you and get you. So much progress Adelaide,!!!

I’m thinking of you too after reading about your friends suicide…its such a great loss and harder for those left behind. I hope you are coping with that ok today. You’re welcome to post on here and chat further if you need company today.

@michelle —— HAPPY 20th Anniversary. Wow that is two decades. Your partner is lucky to have such a wonderful person. Hopefully you had a great day celebrating even if we are under lockdown. What did you do?

I cant imagine you ever being needy, but look at you now celebrating 20 years, definitely inspirational. You are right, Jay is a very good presence in my life. I can be unashamedly myself so I need to work on pushing myself to break the barriers further so I can really let go and be free of the shackles of anxiety and enjoy the whole relationship and my life blossoming.

@michelle what do you think about Jay staying at mine..I’m kind of nervous by what it would mean intimately. Would he have expectations and if I wasn’t ready would he feel knocked back. When stuck together in lockdown  that would cause issues that I really need currently. Then the carefree old me wants to just jump right in and see what happens. What would you do?