Dear Vivian:

Aim at being logical. Examine your thoughts: are they logical? If not, correct your thoughts: this is the principle behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

If your boyfriend is okay with you not feeling butterflies for you, is it logical for you to be afraid that he will leave you because you don’t feel those butterflies for him?

Also, is it logical to expect to feel butterflies consistently and long term, or are butterflies in their very nature time-limited?

Logical thinking that is congruent with reality will calm your anxiety. When you feel anxious, write down a couple of the thoughts that go through your mind and look for the logic in them. Correct if illogical, re-read the corrected thought, take it in and let your logical thoughts calm your anxiety.

“it is definitely something internal… Maybe that is normal, the anxiety needs time to leave”- the anxiety needs time and work before it leaves, and it doesn’t leave quickly, but gradually over a long time.

I agree: your anxiety is internal. It is not about your current boyfriend or the one before him. Your anxiety is most likely about what you wrote here: “I am not close to my parents”. In the beginning of your life you felt very, very close to your parents, at least to one of your parents, the one who held you and fed you and comforted you when you cried.

At some point you lost that emotional closeness with the parent who took care of you most. What happened?

anita