Anita you summed it up really well and got all the details right. I have considered I have ptsd.  I think it I shockingly have ptsd from not only what my ex (Chris) did but when I thought I saw the new guy (Aaron) looking at a mans butt. It was really scary that I had such a mental breakdown and I completely acknowledge that it does seem crazy that I got so upset from thinking he was looking at a guy in a sexual interest. I did about 5 months of CBT but I felt my therapist was kind of dismissing my issue with the gay betrayal. I also felt like talk therapy was not working well for me anymore as I thought actual changes may have happened in my brain. In January   I started EMDR. It’s been helpful but a struggle for me to calm myself. I get into this headspace where I feel like I can’t deal with the stress and the exhaustion it causes me  so I push him away so I don’t have to deal with it. One thing I feel like is that maybe I need time away from him to get my head more  clear. I think actual changes happened in my brain so Im processing possible non threats as threats.  I feel like I need time to let my brain heal bc I try too get back with him and he’s so loving but then I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. It’s so frustrating and exhausting and I’m so sad and defeated.