Dear SearchForSelfPeace:

You are welcome. You wrote in the beginning of this thread, Feb 1: “Even if I do talk with (people), I am not comfortable connecting with them deeply. I am fine with abstract jokes and topics but not with personal stuff.. When I see a few friends of mine connecting deeply with others and forming lasting relations with others, I feel a bit envious of them”.

Today, May 19, you wrote: “the pain and loneliness became too much.. I am not a priority for them. What should I do about that?.. I am at some priority in my family but not with my friends. Is it the same with others as well?”

It occurred to me a moment ago (and I don’t know if we talked about it), that the reason you are lonely and that your friends don’t consider you a priority is what I italicized above: that you don’t feel comfortable connecting with people deeply and personally, so you don’t. As a result, you don’t experience  deep personal connections with anyone. Even though you feel lonely and desperate for connections with others, you never form personal deep connections to others and they don’t form personal deep connections to you. So it’s mutual.

Can you elaborate on being of being at some priority in your family (“I am at some priority in my family”)?

anita