Dear Greed4Love:

I want to see if I can figure out something new, so I re-read your posts. A little summary:

Relationship: Oct 2019- April 22, 2020 (six months), including you staying in her home with her children many nights, forming relationships with her children.

You: mid-thirties, came out in about 2004 (teenage), separated from an emotionally abusive girlfriend of 8 years.

She: mid-thirties, came out in 2019 (mid-thirties), separated from husband of 9 years (two children) Sept 2019, started relationship with you the month after, Oct 2019.

She broke up with you once in March and a second time on April 22. The reason for the breakup, she said: needing to be alone. Later stated that she should date different women and have emotionless sex, later she entered a new monogamous relationship with another woman, with whom, she says, “the dynamic is just different”.

My thoughts this morning: I think that when you met her and entered a relationship with her, for you, she was the One and the relationship was It. You were willing to settle with her and her children for life. She realized at one point on that you are more serious about her and the relationship, and she felt trapped in your expectations of a lifetime, and-they-lived-happily-ever-after life with her. So she broke up with you, telling you that she wants to be alone.

Maybe she did consider dating different women and having emotionless sex, and, like she told you, she “went on a lot of dates and met a lot of people”, one of whom is a woman who didn’t give her the vibes of someone serious who is looking for a lifetime relationship. That may be what she meant by “the dynamic is just different”.

This is the  best explanation I can come up with, at this point.

I agree with you that she has trouble being alone. I figure she is not into dating multiple women and having emotionless sex, that she feels the need to be in a monogamous relationship, but not with a woman who is very serious about her. Does this make sense to you?

anita