Dear chezka21

Wow, that’s a lot of stuff to get your head around, isn’t it? You must feel, subconsciously or otherwise, that the sand is always shifting under your feet and leaving you uncertain about things. And I can totally understand how moving from one place to another felt like you were running away from your problems (I did a certain amount of this in my own life, so I get it). Trouble is, your problems tend to travel right along with you, don’t they?

I’m very glad to hear that your history has not prevented your forming a worthwhile relationship. Have your discussed your concerns with your fiance?

There’s an old expression “bloom where you’re planted” which basically means to make the most of your situation, wherever you find yourself. I suspect you’re right about it being you not the place, it’s so easy to second-guess yourself and never settle to anything, especially with a history like yours. The important thing is that you have a good relationship with your family now, you have a loving fiance and you get on well with his family, you’re getting married and planning a family of your own. This is all good stuff, does it really matter where it all happens?

Having said that, if, in the final analysis, you are really not happy about living in a city again, could you not compromise and live near the city, but in a smaller, quieter place?

Hope this helps.

all the best

Jan