I couldn’t sleep for 3-4 days, and unable to eat properly that made me very weak. Plus this one night I just couldn’t breathe, I tried sleeping but I woke up with choking feeling, hallucinations and constant headache. Turns out I have ‘obstructive sleep apnea’, currently undergoing medication for it. Doctor has suggested me some yoga poses and sleep positions along with medication at bed time. Chicken pox was 2 weeks before break up, and yeah ambulance was because of the breakup stress and me being unable to breathe due to apnea and like a panic attack, this was after a total week of devastation for my body. During that week was the begging phase, yeah I know it sounds petty, but in that state of mind I was just trying to reason with her and trying to fix things. I really love her a lot, like I know I’d regret giving it up and she was in that same mindset too, she loves me a lot too at least that’s what she told me for these years. All the promises seems blatant lies now. That I was just used, for 3 years during college, academically and financially.  Accusing came out of frustration, why would someone throw a beautiful 3 year bond away, everyone faces problems. We have faced problems in the past, she was standing with me through them.

She never gave me one reason, it was a mixed bag. It was like she herself wasn’t sure, here I was trying to fix things. She was just trying to end it. No matter what reasoning or solutions I gave. Every door was closed. 2020 has been bad for me mentally and physically.

She accused me of not being able to ‘console’ her, well I was always there with her by her side when she used to have break downs and cried, no matter whether it was because of her family or work place. I always told her that work pressure is a useless burden, what happens with your boss does’t matter once you step out of office. According to me workplace tension is a trivial thing. I don’t see why someone would cry over it, but here she was everyday breaking down in front of me. I never knew what to do when she cried on my shoulder, I tried to make her understand that her boss’s validation isn’t necessary for happiness and that it doesn’t matter, she had me and her family. It always felt like I was being blamed for her not being good at the job. I am kind of an aloof guy and had never cried before that I can remember of. And my way of consoling would be speaking out my feelings which were always aloof and how I ignored my work pressure outside of office. You can think of me more like cross between Sheldon Cooper and Chandler Bing, if you get the reference  😀

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by lazySnorlax.