Hi Isabelle,

It is great that you are at least well aware of your habits to fall instantly for people. I am also familiar which is why I have to try and be extra careful to best protect my heart from getting hurt. For me, it is also the inherent uncertainties but as time passes I have realized that no matter what, uncertainties can arise at any point in a relationship so it is best to first take things slowly to at least avoid getting hurt from the start.

I think once you start dating more people and actively remind yourself to take things slowly then it will get better. My first relationship recently ended and a huge part of it was because I didn’t take the time to truly know the person hence I ignored all the red flags later because I was so “in love”.

I am happy that you have chosen to take a step back at least for now and continue the dating process. If J is really the person for you and if he truly cares then it will become apparent. Just think of it this way when you are entering a committed relationship there are qualities you would like in your partner and sort of use that as a checklist during this dating process, there is nothing wrong with that and it might help prevent the pain you have gone through in previous relationships.

Wishing you all the best.

Noor