Dear Ifty:

“Please help me understand the situation”-

– from having communicated with you September last year about this relationship, this is what I think: you and him are very incompatible, too incompatible to make a good life together and bring children into it.

The reason you want him back at any cost is because you are very emotionally attached to him.

Problem is, if you do get him back, you will also get back the conflicts, the tensions and the quarrels you had with him many times. You imagine you will be able to have him at any cost, that you will be able to “do the things I didnt do.. let him do what he wants to do with birds.. face problems”-

– but once he is back in your life and you no longer feel desperate, your dissatisfaction with him will be back as well, and the two of you will be upset again, just like before (“Internally both of us were upset. We would quarrel..”).

“he says he will not continue.. he can’t do it.. that I won’t change, I will want him to do things he doesn’t want to do”- I think that his thinking is correct: he will not change; you will not change and life together will be miserable for you and for him.

I suggest that you let him go, no matter how badly you feel. Over time you will feel better and you will be able to find a compatible partner for your life, but if you give in to your desperation now, and succeed in getting him back, you will never have a compatible partner and the two of you (and your children, if any) will be miserable.

Post again anytime, if it helps you to feel  better.

anita