Dear Lea:

I think that what motivated him to say to you some of what he did, and to  behave with you in some of the ways that he did, was fear (anxiety is a state of ongoing fear when there is no clear and present danger, such as a mountain lion chasing after the person).

“the well -known butterflies in the stomach.. got literally killed”- yes, fear kills butterflies.

“what was I supposed to do?”- nothing. That’s why I suggested that psychiatric medications for OCD and psychotherapy (with a professional therapist) will  help him. And since you are not a medication, nor are you a professional psychotherapist- you can’t help him. (Even if you were a psychotherapist- you couldn’t help him being a his girlfriend; psychotherapy can happen only in a professional setting).

I didnt understand the paragraph starting with “‘in him mind, being in a relationship.. It sounds a bit far-fetched no?”- I couldn’t follow your train of thought, couldn’t understand. If you want, re-write it clearly, not as a stream of consciousness (which means typing whatever comes to you mind, without caring for clarity)

You shared about your first boyfriend, in high school, was diagnosed with OCD and spent six months in a psychiatric hospital a few months into dating you. You asked “how come he never talked about the end of the ‘honeymoon phase’.?”- I don’t know. Two people diagnosed with OCD are not the same person- these are two different people who suffered from heightened anxiety at an early age. And I don’t know if your first boyfriend was as ashamed as the most recent.

“Does his introvert part plays a role here?”- introversion is turning inward, withdrawing emotionally (a form of the Flight response to fear), so yes, it plays a role in his behavior.

“Is this possible to feel socially exhausted even through an online chat?”- yes it is, as a matter of fact, I am getting exhausted right now. Coming to think about it, interacting with you is quite exhausting at times:  it should take place in small doses because your brain is very active and very fast, too fast to be clear at times (the stream of consciousness I mentioned above), and it is frustrating and exhausting to try to understand what is not clearly presented.

I will be away from the computer for about 4 hours from now.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by .