Dear Lara:

“That’s confusing”- to think further, you will need to be calm and rested, that’s the only way to understand better. Stress and exhaustion create a fog that doesn’t allow  us to resolve confusion. So if you need time and distraction before we continue, please do take that time.

You wrote that you were nice and pleasant to him because you were always so happy to be with him, and you asked: “does that mean that all the time he was being nice and attentive and affectionate he was faking it then?”

My suggested answer has to do with what you shared about him on page 1: “he works super hard to earn enough money to help people he loves (he is really generous).. his job is really difficult and not really rewarding for him.. has been helping (one of his friends) for years and I never understood why he was going so far because in my opinion the friend was just taking advantage of his kindness and generosity“-

– I think that he may be operating driven by a false sense of responsibility aka guilt, not by love, generosity or kindness. I don’t think he is having much fun in his life because he is working hard in a job he doesn’t like, so to pay off some imagined debt that is burdening him.

When I did for others, and gave to others all that I did, being motivated by guild, I did not experience fun, neither did I feel generous or kind: I felt like a slave giving and giving so to pay the high price of being free from guilt sometime in the future, once I paid enough for my freedom.

If he operates from a state of mind of guilt and being enslaved, then he is not genuinely happy alone or being with you, no matter where he is, and with whom.

anita

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