Dear Christiana Moore:

I admire you for being a conscientious mother, for caring about your daughter’s emotional well being, for not wanting to do to her what was done to you.

“Anything that has ever happened to me I’ve chosen to carry it and hold on to it”- it was not a choice you made, to hold on to pain. Some people channel their pain into aggression against others, so they spend time angry more than hurt. I suppose you didn’t channel your hurt into aggression against others, so you spend more time hurt than angry. Does this make sense to you?

“I have now chosen to embrace who I am but writing that letter to my parents and seeing their response made me question what is going to take to feel healed?”-

– the people who injured you are not likely to be the people who will help you heal. Your parents don’t want to look into themselves and acknowledge that they injured you- guilt doesn’t feel good.

Your emotional injuries happened in the context of your family of origin (parents and siblings). Healing is not likely to take place within the same context. Healing has to be outside the context of the injury.

Sometimes we have to end contact with family members in order to heal. What do you think?

anita