Hi Anita,

I’m not sure if this small correction changes anything, but when I had uninvited him to meet my brother, he had not yet said he was wanting to go on other dates or that he had one planned, he simply said he would let me know if he did. It was later that night (when I had dinner with my brother) that he mentioned that he had a date scheduled the following day. I have no idea if that plan was made before or after I got upset with him.

You are right though, either way, after being intimate with me he still was planning on going on other dates. I have no idea if he did or not in the end.

Yes, I do see how toxic the relationship with my mother was, I have definitely been angry with her. So much so, that it has strained my relationship with my father, which really is disappointing. Thankfully I do not do as my other asks without question, in fact, she does not ask me to do or not do anything anymore, since I had a discussion with her about boundaries about a year or so ago. I have to give her credit, she has stuck to this. That being said, we don’t have much of a relationship now at all, just exchanging niceties here and there when I speak with my dad.

As an update, I’m embarrassed to say that this “relationship” and it’s ending has been very destabilizing for me. I keep myself busy most of the day with work and social engagements or exercise, but unfortunately, I find myself plagued with thoughts of this person and what happened at night, so much so that I’ve dreamt of the situation almost every night the past week.

I’m beyond frustrated with myself about this. I find this so ridiculous, I barely knew this person. But that in itself is what I’m so upset about, I feel like somehow it is completely my fault for a) pushing/wanting too much too soon and b) drinking and lashing out rather than staying calm, that caused this interaction to end prematurely. I feel like if I had behaved myself, I would have the peace of mind that it wasn’t meant to be, rather than now, which is that I don’t know if this could have been a good person to be with or not. I’ve been watching dating videos online, and they recommend that if a man is 6 months out of a serious relationship, you should not push him at all for any sort of commitment, and should take things slow. I didn’t do this once again, and I’m so disappointed in myself for it.

If he had behaved the way he did in the end if I had still behaved in a way I was proud of, at least I would know there wasn’t a true loss. As it is, I have no idea. I haven’t heard from him now in over a week (the longest we’ve gone without speaking) and my gut is that he is with someone else. I saw on facebook he added a new woman as a friend, who happens to look a little like me, but who knows. Maybe I’m just making things up in my head. He did say last time we spoke at lunch that he was very overwhelmed with work and other responsibilities, so who knows. Either way, I have not reached out to him even though I might be going to his city next week. I don’t know if I should reach out to at least say hi or see where we stand, or wait until I am back in his city and let him know then like I said I would, or not at all. I just wish I wasn’t thinking about him at all, and a part of me is angry at him for coming on quite strong and doing “boyfriend”-like things like calling me daily and checking in about the health of my family only to abruptly stop like this and leave things open-ended. If he met someone else, I wish he would have said that.

L