Dear Anita,

Thank you for trying to learn who is H.. I know i still trap in projected love.. And wanna to share to you about anything i know about H.

H is not romantic type of guy and didn’t want to change. And i will not ask him anymore to change.. i worried it will give him more pain. His type of love language is giving service and gift. As i make a conclusion from all of what he usually does. He can help me wash the dishes, wash clothes and clean the bathroom, cut fruit for me. Especially when i pregnant.

He didn’t like to talk about heart things.. because for him anything is just okay. I think he never feel our relationship ever like broke or didn’t complete etc. Because for him he is love me enough. And he will getting angry if he know that sometimes i feel lonely and need more love. What he will do is angry, because he feels i never grateful of anything he gave to me. But my intention is not like that. I just feel empty inside and maybe it’s because my past situation of my live..

So in his logic, he think i always feel less. He think he give me anything. His time, his attention. But he see me like i feel it’s a small thing and want more. And he didn’t like me to always feel like that or ask him to give me more hug, more kiss. I just know that he didn’t really like more hug and kiss. He said that and mention about his family, if i didn’t believe him, i can ask his family. And he doesnt like when i talking and compare him now and past time.. i don’t know why.. is that wrong thing? It’s  the same him right? I didn’t compare him with another guy. But i think i will stop because it will make us fight again..

Hmm yes.. i think he is like me to be in the background while he does anything. With sometimes talking with me about what’s he seen and what’s attract his attention. and talking about funny thing sometimes.

My attention still on him. Really much. And i feel really bad about it Anita.. i don’t know why i feel those things.. ‘Feeling lonely, unattended to, unlove, feeling jealous, suspicious’.. what do you think anita..? Because my suspicious about his behaviour of watching porn regularly behind me, is make me really bad.. I never get any serious complain about my body etc.. but now when i knowing what he is doing, make me think what’s my lack..?

But besides his bad habit, he still love me and take care of me.. so i feel, am i too emotional or too sensitive..? Or should i decide to think that everyone has his darkness desire? And it’s his darkness habit..

I just didn’t want to mention it for this time.. because i think.. it’s useless.. even i talk seriously about that thing, but if he didn’t feel it’s wrong and didn’t think and didn’t feel it will affect to his love and care to me, i think he will still find another way to do those secret things..

What do you think anita…?