I am grieving at the moment which is why I need some time away, I read some of the posts and felt compelled to respond because it may reassure and help you @Shelbyville.

The majority of what @Sammy said was surprisingly true ( Sammy, you should act on your own advice otherwise it is hypocritical 😉 ) but Shelby doll, it is something you may want to really reflect on after tomorrow. I suffered a lot of insecurity or low self-worth and as a man, it is almost worse as everyone has this expectation you should be an Alpha male, strong, etc. It made me do some things I’m not proud of and I admit I was a sub-par partner for a while. I have evolved into a completely rounded individual and it has benefited me in all aspects of my life; relationships, work, etc. You can’t fake true confidence.

What I don’t think has been highlighted is your intuitiveness and given how aware you are I do not think you are being entirely irrational and sabotaging from what you have written. There are clear concerns here, there has been a definite change in dynamic and the feelings it is bringing up are valid. It is very easy to be labelled needy, In fact, maybe the problem isn’t that you’re needy but that he’s incapable of giving you what you need.

You need to determine if the change in dynamic is a direct reaction to your behaviour or is it you actually have someone who is genuinely making you feel like this from not understanding who you are.

I will say this, once the electricity and fireworks fade after the initial period you will be left with the actual reality which is why being yourself from the get-go is important. Never rely on the feelings of intimacy during that period, you can have great sex and still not want to commit. If you want a long-lasting relationship then what should be bringing you closer is being aligned in needs and values. You just have to pay attention to how the energy unfolds as the truth will play out to understand what was built with a solid foundation and whatnot.

You mentioned people think you are something else and disappointed later, which is why you should always be authentic. If they don’t like you for it they are not for you and can shove it. That is when you will find real love and the happiness within yourself too. You need to relentlessly be you, boldly, and unashamedly and love yourself for it.

It is important to be aware of your wants and needs and value system when getting into a relationship and to find out the wants and needs and value system of the person you are dating early on, so you can stop dating if you are not compatible enough. So the fact you are finding it hard to steer the conversation there I understand must be causing anxious feelings. It is not very mature of him. This is basic communication, do not make yourself feel like you are a head wreck for wanting to communicate your concerns. On the flip side if you have thrown out accusations i.e. YOU DO NOT CARE etc instead of stating I feel this is important to me….. then you are to blame.

Anyone who suggests that you are “needy” is simply trying to disparage your feelings on the subject. Again, he is not a bad person for being ok with seeing you less often, and you are not a bad person for wanting more. No one is right or wrong here. Wanting to spend more time with someone you value is a natural tendency. If no compromise can be made then both of you should acknowledge that and move on from this relationship. Anyone insisting on having their way at the expense of the other person then is being immature and deliberately hurtful.

You mentioned panic attacks this is something that has happened to me and my current partner from the very beginning was supportive. However I don’t rely on her to soothe me always, but it is nice to have comfort, and she trying to talk and understand how / what feelings triggered it. She has the emotional intelligence to adapt and assess a situation and that is something I need in a partner; emotional understanding. If you need that then it’s met by confusion then you will no doubt be left feeling anxious.

The fact your new guy was angry with you for being late in itself seems strange for someone trying to then assert independence. You kept him informed throughout the day. Plans sometimes fall through, it is inevitable. As long as there is communication and rearrangement are made then that’s ok. So before you get swept away in lust and let your insecurities heighten because of your inner critic is searching for its own validation, really assess what you are losing in this person.

Having said all this, if after an honest inward assessment, what @Sammy wrote rings true about patterns in your relationship where you develop unrealistic expectations due to needing constant reassurance because of low self-worth/insecurity then I suggest you take time out and work on yourself. Because you don’t want to spend the rest of your days feeling like this checking if a kiss has been added etc it will ruin you.

I’m proof healthy relationships are possible and I was messed up! A couple who doesn’t communicate and has to try to figure out what the other person is feeling is not communicating effectively so tomorrow COMMUNICATE!

So be yourself tomorrow, have fun, express yourself, and keep us in the loop. Good luck doll!