I haven’t been on  this forum due to being busy with things but something did just come to mind.

When I started thinking of whether I love him or not, it started last year when we were a month into our relationship. I was just thinking of stuff because I wasn’t doing anything in class and it started tying itself to how I never felt any heart-racing or butterflies. Another thing is that I didn’t know my mom had kidney failure until she went to the doctor 2 months later.

I never feel stressed about my family problems, only when I have these thoughts about my boyfriend. I don’t know if that’s because I tend to exclude myself from my family because I’ve never felt a close connection with them or the stress is just blurry to my mind because of this one thought overtaking my mind. I never felt any sort of strong stress until the “What if I don’t love him” Started to come to mind.

It honestly scares me to the point where I’ll end up crying in my bed for awhile. I don’t want to ever leave him. I want to spend my life with this guy, I really do. And to think that it could be a flag my mind is trying to tell me to let go of him kills me inside. We’re about to hit a year now and I’ve been fighting this thought the entire time. I do want to get help but I feel like they’ll say I’m “too young to understand” And leave it as that. I also can’t due to the pandemic.