Hi Anita

How are you? I just felt like talking.

Honestly, I read a few recent threads on the site. There are people out there with such substantial challenges that I’m feeling pretty embarrassed talking about my almost no-problem problem, but I guess, if there’s some place that I can talk about it, it is here, so.

Honestly, I am so happy, so happy Anita in my life currently. After I think years, I am at a place where my personal professional life both are going well and are balanced. Thank You again, your inputs helped a lot in lending me mental clarity that is now benefitting every area of my life.
There are just small little things, nothing major.

Firstly, I couldn’t take legal measures against him Anita. He did contact again and I have this time kept a record of it all if I need but I just couldn’t go through with taking legal or some restraining action against him. Maybe it’s just residual feeling or something like that. Plus, since all in all, I am happier, it’s bothering me lesser with every passing day. But I still am keeping all records so that if I again feel a need to, I can take legal action asap.

So what happened was, after his visit to my city and my friend telling him off etc etc, he still contacted around once weekly or so. Then one day, I was like let me just hear him out. Maybe then he’ll stop. I answered and told him that stop beating around the bush and say whatever you have to say. He said a lot Anita, I mean a lot, he said how he screwed up with me, how his life has been a mess after me, told me that he feels no joy, he is constantly confused, it genuinely seemed as if he’s mentally struggling, how he’s tried talking to so many girls but he just can’t see them as anything more, that he still can’t accept that we aren’t together, that his leaving was just a result of his discontentment and frustration from his own life etc etc. He broke down in places, literally begged for me back, asked if there’s even the smallest of chance that we might be together etc etc. I heard him out Anita and then told him that there is none. I told him that my trust in him is broken, that everyone deserves consistent and respectful love, told him that life will always have frustrations, and that if his way of dealing with it is to drop the relationship then I cannot ever see a future with him again. he was really persistent, he kept saying that I will change, I am working on myself but when I was firm in my negation, at a point he lost it and almost lashed out at me but then stopped. That was my cue to know he hasn’t really changed, he might be sorry, he might want to, but as of now, he hasn’t. And I deserve better. After that I told him to just stop all this and hung up.

I cannot thank you enough for asking me to look up OCD. After talking to you, I became more conscious of my thought processes and made concerted efforts to stop overthinking and it is so much better. I don’t really obsess about him to that level anymore. I don’t obsess about anything that much anymore and I hope it’ll further reduce with effort. There are some thoughts though, loose ended thoughts that like I sometimes wonder. I know they are redundant, there are of no relevance to my life but sometimes I wonder.

– Is it possible that he’ll never change? I had at least thought that there’ll be some change in him but I could see that as much as he tried hiding it, he was the same. Maybe I don’t understand people that well. I’d always believed we all change, I’d counter anyone who talked about our ‘basic nature and signature never changing’ and thought that even the most callous of partners must become serious after marriage maybe? I mean how can anyone stay rude and selfish forever, isn’t companionship needed to everyone and how can someone get that with such selfishness. Now that I am past much of the bitterness I feel a little sorry when I feel that he will never change when he could be so much more and sometimes just think in circles.

– Is genuine lingering-for-long human regret even possible? I mean he kept saying I regret this, regret that, biggest mistake of my life etc etc and sometimes I feel it’s all hogwash.

Anyhow, I think I was just in a thinking mode today and felt like asking. I just think that when now I ever think about the relation, I can’t even understand what it was, I mean I can’t understand how can he be so selfish but then again come back and pursue for like more than a year now as if he loves me too much, so I think that is where these thoughts come from.

Again, thank you so much Anita, for all your help when I needed it. I am pretty sure I would have been as miserably stuck as I was couple months ago had it not been for this platform.

Love,

Jenny.