Dear Lisa:

You mentioned today, Dec 31, 2020, “the general theme of my life. Nothing comes of my hard work”.

You shared more themes of your life, three years ago, Dec 28, 2017- Jan 1, 2018 (I will number them in parentheses): “(1) The men I would be interested in are never around. (2) My experience has been being used, resented, ignored, yelled at, hurt, mistreated, worked hard, insulted… (3)I am an intelligent woman and I do not know how to create a love life… love life has been a complete 0… Why do I have to be alone all the time when I don’t want to be?” (4) “I am sitting here tonight downloading a life coach app.. the 2017 equivalent of going to the library when I was 15 and reading up on how to improve my life. I have been doing what I am doing tonight since I was in my early teens. If you know how old I am then you know how long, how many years, days I have spent trying to change my life….(5) I am alone in my truth… I can’t win against so many when so many won’t support what I fight for… I’m ok when I get hurt at work.. when I am in pain.. The minute I stand up for myself is the minute everything is not ok. For the ones who think they got me beat and they know who they are.. you can’t beat me.. and can’t control me which makes me nothing to you. I have truth and integrity and I’m not giving them up and that is why you will never win”.

Exactly a year after New Year Day of 2018, on Jan 1, 2019:, you expressed theme # 4, from above, wanting to change your life for the better: “I want to start with..  being more proactive in reaching my goals. I am very optimistic right now”. That was the ending of your Alone thread. You then started this thread in later January 2019, optimistically calling it Choosing Love: “I want to start this new thread to open up to the truth about why I am alone and what I can do to change that… I will try to figure it out as I go”-

– that was a good beginning, now almost two years ago. It is not too late, Lisa, to start again, from the beginning. After all, every morning we wake up to is a beginning.

anita